Monday, September 15, 2014

Everyday I Become More the Man Next to Me

The society we are living in has taught us that women need to take care of themselves. But ironically enough, we weren’t raised to take care of ourselves. My mom and my grannies have always taught me that girls should wear skirts, dresses, and constantly be preocupied by making things more beautiful and taking care of the household. Yet all these teachings got lost somewhere along the way. 
From the recent years’ experience, from a close observation of the opposite sex, it always seemed like HE provokes me to be in a constant competition with him. But judging things even deeper, I believe that the competition with the opposite sex has started from early school days. They could be relaxed and comfortable with themselves, and we had to be posh, wake up earlier, stay stiff in our perfect outfits. And why? 
So one day I decided I had to succeed in being just as cool and nice as them. And I believe it was also a man who told me a secret in the unsatisfied 16th year of my life. He told me that it doesn’t actually matter how you look, but how the others perceive you. And if you are the ugliest person, but to your audience, you are very sure of yourself, you will be percieved as beautiful. I looked at him and I suddenly saw all his flaws beyond his self-confidence. And then I understood the secret of the opposite sex is exactly this self contentment. They had their own uncertainties at that age, but they somehow knew how to behave "like men". And since then I learned attitude is the one I have to race with. 
Now if I think deeper into it, I realise that my love for trainers, basketball trainers and other sport shoes is coming also from the admiration toward them, the ones who manage always to impress through self confidence, through trust and powerful gestures. And I decided that in a man’s world it’s not necessarly good to wear high heels, to be helpless and to be a constant cry for help. It’s not in their genes to take care. At least not in those I see around me. Yes, my father used to help mom walk on the street, he knew how to hold mom by the hand, to offer her his strong arm and to make her feel good for being helpless. But there aren’t such men in a world in which us, women, constantly fight for equal rights. They don’t fight to show us they can take care of kids and they can clean up the house. For all these they have Master Card. In cooking they are for sure much better than us. 
And I believe the competition has continued when it came to the technical revolution. I noticed how my best friend had a safe place among guys because she mastered this new field called technology. So, I had to know something about that. It’s not ladylike, but it’s nice and pleasant to be there in the middle of discussions. And their discussions would always be relaxed, without passion or egos. They are always at the same level. There’s no rooster in the conversation. 
And there are a few more things that we stress about too much. Men have a style, that no matter where they go, who they meet, what they talk about, they don’t mind laughing. Us, women, we try always to be aware of how we laugh, why, about who, if the subject is according to our mood and so on. 
And the mood for us is a very severe thing. We are actually constantly unhappy, discontent, willing for more. And I wonder why can’t we just be happy with what we have? I mean what can be so bad that we cannot be thankful for what we have? The cave will become empty? There will be no more provisions?
Hey, but we could go hunting! If they can do it, why couldn’t we?
Every day, with every new challenge, I am becoming more the man next to me. And it seems sometimes that my shadow becomes manly. And that doesn’t seem like a good challenge. I like the man next to me to be in flash and bones, to have a firm voice who knows to impose some limits to my oscilant behaviour, to know me when I am mad and to know his part is more important than my competitive play. But I believe it’s very hard to admit we are vulnerable and we need a little guidance in life even at this age. We are proud, while they know that if today was not a good day for hunt, tomorrow the sun will shine again. To us the sunset seems the end of a cycle, and the empty glass is getting dry at the end of a cycle, otherwise you waste a good wine. 
This constant move is becoming tiring! Let’s admit it, we are trying, but it’s not always perfect and it’s useless. They will always be next to us. Closer or further their part is essential. I would take off my hat, but I would be just like them, so I will take a bow and hold my hand up for a gentle kiss and I will close by hoping those who will read these lines will understand the essence of the destructive fight of our society. 

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